Jealousy is normal when a child learns that another baby is on the
way. And when you bring a special needs baby into your home, the
jealousy can intensify. If your new baby has a disability, it can have
a profound effect on your family. Plus, your other children may not
understand what is wrong with the new baby.
Being honest
It’s important for you to communicate honestly with your children
about the new baby. Use words they will understand, and keep
things simple.
Tell your children the truth, and encourage them to express their
feelings. Being honest with your children helps them to feel like
equal members of the family. It’s your job to help your children
cope with what they are feeling.
For example, if you have an older birth child and are adopting a
baby, you need to explain what adoption is. You can start by
saying, “Adoption is when a baby lives with another family after
being born.” As your children grow older, plan on adding more of
the truth to the statement: “Your brother’s birth mother wasn’t
able to take care of him, and that’s why we adopted him.”Minimizing rivalry
Even though your new baby has special needs and may require a
lot of attention and outside support, make sure that you don’t give
your new baby all your attention. Even though this baby has special
needs, he doesn’t need to be your favorite. If you are giving him all
your attention, he will grow to feel like the favorite, and your other
children will feel that way, too. You will be setting the stage for
resentments, competition, and conflicts between your children.
Here are some ways you can minimize sibling rivalry:
-
Enlist the help of your child(ren) in preparing for your new
baby’s arrival. For example, if your new baby will have a nurs-
ery, ask your child(ren) to help decorate it.
-
If you are adopting a baby from another culture, share learn-
ing about that culture with your child(ren).
-
Teach your child(ren) how to give the new sibling a massage
(see Chapter 9).
-
Keep in mind that siblings can co-sleep, too! (See Chapter 3
for more on co-sleeping.)
-
Understand that your new baby’s disability is stressful on
your other children.
If you have been giving your children massages and practicing
other tools of attachment parenting, they are more likely to be
compassionate and sensitive. In other words, your children are
more likely to regard the presence of a new baby with special
needs as a gift.
Don’t worry about treating all your children exactly the same.
Celebrate the differences between them by highlighting their
special skills and uniqueness.The effects of epidurals on newborns
You may not want to think of an epidural as a drug that affects your baby, but it is.
An epidural is injected into the lumbar region of the mother’s spine. A large amount
of the drug enters her bloodstream and passes through the placenta, where it enters
the baby’s circulatory system. Although epidurals are widely used by many doctors
and hospitals, the effects of the drug have not been adequately studied or routinely
talked about. Epidurals can cause the following effects in newborns:
-
Lack of responsiveness
-
Decreased visual skills and alertness
-
Breastfeeding difficulties
-
Decreased heart rate
In addition, an epidural decreases the mother’s ability to push, which raises the inci-
dence of using forceps or vacuums during delivery.
Some studies have indicated a correlation between drugs used during labor and
addiction problems for the baby later in life. Obviously, more research is necessary,
but we strongly encourage you to ask lots of questions of your doctor and nurses
before making the decision to use drugs during delivery